As the title of this blog explains, I am a Yid (Jew) by Choice. My journey to Judaism really began when I was a child. I was raised in a Southern Baptist household from the age of four. This Christian evangelical upbringing came along with all the general admonitions and warnings about not asking questions. I was taught to believe whatever the preacher said and not question his authority. I was not to ask probing questions about the teachings and I was never, ever to ask about why we believe what we believe. Blind faith was the method and utter obedience was the test.
By the time I was ten, my parents and the preacher were pressuring me to be baptized and become “saved”. I resisted for about a year because I was just a child. I did not fully understand what they were saying and I just hated to get up in front of people and tell them all that I was a sinner and in need of baptism. At age eleven, I had decided that for my parent’s sake I would undergo baptism. Three of my friends decided that they would undergo the ritual with me. On a Sunday morning at the end of the service, the preacher asked if anyone wanted to come forward and “confess”, asking to be “saved”. I decided that day that I would go forward just to make my parents happy. The following week, I was baptized.
By this point I had been brain-washed into believing that we had the truth and everyone needed to know about this truth. Over the summer, many of us between the ages of ten and seventeen were involved in a campaign to “win people to Christ”. I became a door-to-door child missionary. I really thought that this could become my life’s vocation. I had always been a spiritual person and I was a very religious child. By the end of the summer, I was certain that I wanted to become a missionary and help to “save” people from “Hell”. However, things changed that fall when my world was expanded beyond the church.
I was invited to attend the bar mitzvah of a friend’s brother. I had to be sneaky about it because my parents would never approve of me going to a synagogue. I was fascinated by the synagogue and the ritual. I had always loved learning about other cultures and religions and this was my chance to really learn about another culture and religion. I learned (clandestinely) about Judaism but from a definite Christian perspective. If I had known about “Messianic Judaism” at that point, I would probably have tried to convince my parents that it was the true faith of Jesus. By this point, I was not so sure that I wanted to be a missionary and I was very sure that the church I was attending did not hold all the answers.
At the age of thirteen, my parents and I started attending another church. This church was initially affiliated with the Southern Baptists but broke off and became non-denominational. I was still learning about Judaism from a Christian viewpoint but I also knew that I no longer wanted to become a missionary. I just did not see the point of trying to “save” people who did not want to be saved. I began resisting going to church and questioning a lot of what was being taught. I was forced to continue attending church until I was sixteen and found a steady job. I was then a “twice-a-year” Christian – attending church at Christmas and Easter only. By the time I was eighteen, I no longer went to church and I dropped out of religion all together.
For many years I remained a Christian in name only. I did not study the Bible. I did not attend church. I did not try to “save” anyone. At 26, I moved to the other side of the country and began my own life away from everyone I knew. I became even more antagonistic toward organized religion and would have classified myself as an agnostic. It was more that I didn’t care if there was a G-d than rather or not that I believed in Him. I became involved in some self-destructiveness and slipped even further from G-d. I eventually became so angry at G-d and the world that I became an atheist. I “knew” there was no G-d. I spent a few years in this world that I had constructed. Then, I turned 30. I didn’t think it would be such a drastic change in my life but I was wrong.
I began asking myself where I was going in life and where I really wanted to be. I was not longer a child and no longer a carefree twenty-something. I really felt that something was missing in my life. After some soul searching, I realized that I missed G-d and that He might even miss me. I decided to look into various faith practices to see where I found the truth. I started with Buddhism. Buddhism really fascinates me and I am still very interested in that belief system. However, the lack of G-d in the practice and the bowing down to statues meant that Buddhism was not for me. I then looked at Catholicism. I attended a few services and read anything and everything I could on Catholicism. I was volunteering at a soup kitchen in the Catholic church so I was able to talk to the members of the church as well as the priest. The idea of Jesus being the messiah born to a virgin was just not sitting right with me and the idea that the Pope was infallible definitely did not sit right with me because no human is perfect. So, Catholicism was out and if Catholicism was out then also were the Orthodox and Protestant belief systems. My next step was into Islam. Islam was very appealing to me because it had much of the same beliefs as Judaism and Christianity without some of the hang-ups. However, the idea again of Isa (Jesus) being the messiah and born of a virgin did not sit well with me. I was also growing cold to the idea of an eternal Hell. I just did not think that a just, loving G-d would permit such a place to exist. This meant that not only was Christianity not for me but Islam was as well. Next, I started learning about Judaism – this time from a non-Christian perspective.
I contacted the local synagogue requesting a meeting with the rabbi. This synagogue, I found out, only had student rabbis during the summer but I was fortunate enough to begin learning with the intern rabbi that summer. I began by telling him my entire story and he gave me literature and began studying with me (without any pressure to convert). Before he left at the end of the summer, he put me in contact with a rabbi living in the next largest town (400 miles away) and I began working with him. After a lot of studying on my own and asking a million questions of the rabbi, I decided that Judaism was where I was meant to be. I began my formal studies toward becoming a Jew when I was thirty. I continued in my studies after moving back across the country. I went before the bet din (rabbinic court) and immersed in the mikveh (ritual bath) and became a Jew at age thirty-two.
So, what drew me to Judaism and prompted me to convert?
1. The proven fact that Jesus was not the messiah and there was no virgin birth
2. The proven fact that the Torah was given in a perfect fashion to Moses and the Children of Israel
3. The proven fact that G-d is One and Indivisible
4. The proven fact that Judaism places an emphasis on family and community
5. The proven fact that Judaism places an emphasis on education
6. The proven fact that Judaism places an emphasis on inquiries and asking probing questions
7. The proven fact that the Jewish people are a hardy people who have withstood many assaults
8. The proven fact that the redemption will ultimately come through the Jewish people
I have become a Jew after a lifetime of wanting to get closer to G-d. I am proud to be a Jew and proud that I had the courage to ask the questions and search for the truth.